Blessings, burial, burdens – on a Bank holiday weekend!

Blessings There is so much for which to be grateful, always, daily, everywhere. But this weekend has been an especial blessing  - even in our tiredness and brokenness (see below). Friends came from far and wide to lend a helping hand or two on Saturday. Anjeanette from Virginia, Stacie from Colorado,  (yes, really, that’s where they are from and they were here to help!)  Allyson and Charlotte from north London,  Andy and Chris from Wiltshire. Together they scraped and painted and stripped (the walls that is) and in just a few hours made such a difference.

To have friends help, pray, support makes the venture seem a possibility  - even though there is still so much to do, so far still to go. The danger of course is that we try to do it alone, in our own strength, and think we can cope. We can’t; we none of us can.

Only God has the resources we so desperately need – and on Saturday He sent us good kind friends to work hard all day!  They each were and are a blessing to us and to The Vine @ Mays Farm.

Burial

We buried the time capsule on Saturday – well, laid it where it WILL be buried once the floorboards are nailed down! The Trustees of MbD chose Charlotte’s entry as the winning entry to the  competition, and it was a blessing to have Charlotte there!

In a tin which commemorates the 60 years since the Queen’s Coronation (and that was the year Kim and I were born, too, so doubly auspicious!) we placed the items Charlotte suggested – a Bible, a small holding cross from Bethlehem, a copy of my book Women By Design, photos of the renovation works so far, the first MbD brochure.

Then we placed the tin ceremoniously in its hole, before  taking time in prayer for Mays Farm, asking for blessings on it, blessings for those who may come and stay on retreat over the years to come, blessings on the village  - and sweetly, they prayed blessings on Kim and me.

Which brings me neatly to the burdens …

Burdens

Why are we Christians often surprised when the enemy attacks? If God is at work, Satan doesn’t like it and will get in wherever he can – particularly where we are most vulnerable.

So we need prayers for protection!

Would you pray with and for us? Please? We can’t do this without your praying support – and much as I hate hate hate asking for things, I realize that we DO need to ask you for this! Along side the enormous sense of gratitude for all the many many blessings poured out on us, not least the provision of Mays Farm, we would love your prayer support!  I read these words this morning:

Ps 35:7 Roll thy was upon the Lord (Kay’s translation)  “Way means a trodden path, the journey of life, today’s life. Often when we cannot lift a thing we can roll it … Roll everything that concerns you upon the Lord. Roll it again, no matter how many times you did before, and then rest, ‘assure thyself in Him and He, He Himself, will work. ‘ (Derby) “   - Amy Carmichael.  Please pray that we will be able to roll and rest and be reassured!  But specifically:

• Kim has had a cough and poorly chest for over three weeks. After the first week he went to the doctor who gave him an inhaler. After the second week she gave him antibiotics. Now, he is still feeling under par (thought a golfing expression here was just the right note!) and still coughing – and badly coughs at night which keeps us both awake so we are tired and irritable and sleep deprived.  And in the tiny Bolt Hole there is no-where else for me to sleep to get away from the cough!  SO he is finding it hard to cope with the physical work and foremanship. Please pray for healing for him and for sleep for us both.

• The Bolt Hole has been on the market since Easter and has had only a handful of people look around. We’ve lowered the price, changed agents … and still nothing. It has a lot of our capital in it – which we had assumed we would have soon when it was sold and which we now  need for the rest of the renovation work at Mays Farm!  Please pray for a buyer for the Bolt Hole.

• The first brochure is due to be mailed out both in the UK and the USA. It is essentially to do three things, listed below. It needs to have envelopes stuffed and addressed and to actually get in the mail – the UK ones hopefully before we go the USA on Thursday! Please pray for reception of the brochure and for  financial provision for the ministry.                                                    1)    to bring awareness of the work of Ministries By Design to as many people as possible

2)    to raise finance for projects such as the Chapel and the MbD office

3)    and a bursary fund for those who need to come on retreat but can’t afford it (mostly clergy!)

• Yes, we are flying to the USA on Thursday, for 2 weeks. The first week is holiday and staying with our daughter and her family; and the second week Penelope is speaking on a women’s retreat in upstate New York and Kim is meeting with a group of pastor friends (they get together at least once a year for mutual support and prayer – and golf!)  Please pray for refreshment and renewal; and for the Retreat talks and walks.

• The rental property in Bath that we have owned for a long time and rented out  for years has become a real headache. Without going into too much detail,  Please pray for the Lord to sort it out somehow!

• We will be holding more Saturday work days when we are back – June 15 and 22. The house and gardens will be most grateful of any possible help. Please pray that people will come and kindly give some very practical assistance!

The hole for the large bifold doors to form a garden/breakfast room

• We have to get the furniture and all our belongings out of the Vicarage by the end of June ( and what a blessing it has been to be able to leave it there all this time!) Please pray that there will be at least a space large enough to store it when it arrives even if we can’t unpack.

Seven items for prayer!

Could you pray one a day for us for the next little while? And might you let us know if you are doing this?

It would be a vast and glorious blessing to have your support! Thank you.

2 Corinthians 1 was given to me today:

"We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us. 8 We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. 9 In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. 10 And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us. 11 And you are helping us by praying for us. Then many people will give thanks because God has graciously answered so many prayers for our safety."

Thank you for your prayers already!

I nearly died this morning.

I was nearly trampled to death earlier this morning. At least, it felt as if it was just about to happen.

Walking the dog along one of our usual footpaths, we (Gracie and me) came upon a herd of cows; young bullocks, actually, not very large nor very old. All black, they were, grazing nonchalantly under the trees at the edge of the field. Even so, as Gracie has not come across cows at close quarters before, I put her on the lead, in case she charged at them.

Over the years of dog walking (my parents first got a dog when I was just 10) I've traversed many fields of cows with various dogs in tow - and have always found that cows will crowd you if the dog is on the lead - but they usually back off if you shout and wave your arms around, and allow the dog to run free.

I presumed it would be the same today. It was not.

As I passed the bullocks, they stopped grazing and began to stare. I  hastily let Gracie off the lead, and fortunately she had the good sense to race for the gate at the end of the field. Thanks, dog. You left me to it!  I turned and stamped my feet and then continued to walk on. The bullocks followed. Threateningly. More arm waving, more shouting, more walking on. But to no avail.

I suddenly remembered the news last week - of a man trampled to death not too far from here, as cows stampeded.   My fear grew and perhaps the cows sensed that.

Or perhaps they didn't like Matt Redman who was playing loudly on my iPhone so I could sing as I walked.

It certainly wasn't my singing as I had stopped when I saw them!

So now I have a shaped rearguard of black young bullocks at my back, and they are getting closer. And I'm remembering the man who was sadly killed. And I'm wondering what young calves are fed these days that makes them so vicious. Cows, even young bullocks, were sweet large-eyed docile beasts when I was young.

Now they are vicious killers.

I ran. In my blue hunter wellies I pounded towards the gate. And so of course the bullocks began to run too. And I think they run faster than I can. I am no runner.

Gracie barked - from the safety of the other side of the barred and locked gate.

I hurled myself at it and never have I climbed a gate so quickly.  With black bullocks running at it. At me.

Now there are ten thousand and one reasons for me to bless the Lord. Because I got over the gate and looked back to see the bullocks crowding the gate. I didn't even stop to take a photo. Heart pounding - fear? running? climbing a gate quickly? - I stumbled on throughthe farmyard. What DO they feed young bullocks? Do cows have more of a killer instinct than they used to?

I wish I could say I prayed as I charged for that gate! All I could think of was running fast enough to outrun the bullocks.

Thank you Lord. You had my back covered.

 Isaiah 52:12

You will not leave in a hurry, running for your lives. For the LORD will go ahead of you; yes, the God of Israel will protect you from behind. 

Psalm 139:5

You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. 

New Living Translation (©2007)

Bless the Lord, Oh my soul, worship His holy name ... sing like never before, Oh my soul, I'll worship your Holy Name.

You are needed!

some of the old wall paper we've found! 

YOU ARE INVITED:
	An invitation to come to MAYS FARM on Saturday!We will be there to have fun, begin preparation/decorating work on some of the bedrooms, dig up a few weeds, paint a gazebo ... AND CEREMONIOUSLY BURY THE TIME CAPSULE IN THE HOUSE!

TIME: Arrive any time from 9.30am.

Time capsule will be ceremoniously buried at 12.30 just before lunch

Tea/coffee/snacks provided all day, but please bring a packed lunch (or you can visit the village shop or the local watering hole which is called The Star)

Any little help which you can offer will be very much appreciated - and if you can bring any wallpaper strippers/anything to steam wallpaper, strip wallpaper, wash walls, sponges, buckets, sanders .... (and work gloves if you need them) and long long electric extension leads (15m plus) that would help enormously!

We plan to have some fun, sing God's praises as we work, pray for one another .. come and join us as we really begin to see the house come together in time for the start of this new ministry.

8 people are coming so far – so let me know if you’re coming too, and if you need directions.

Looking forward to seeing you soon!

PENTECOST, PARCHED IN PETRA and PRAYING A DANGEROUS PRAYER

I had an interesting experience with water - or at least the lack of it -  a couple of weeks ago. My husband & I are celebrating auspiciously large birthdays this year; at Christmas, he gave me 2 books: the "Lonely Planet guide to Jordan",  and “I Married a Bedouin,”  written by a young New Zealand nurse who, in the late 1970’s, was on a gap year travelling, and met and married her Bedouin, who lived in a cave in Petra, Jordan.

I loved reading about Petra – it's been at the top of my bucket list since I first saw a photo of it when I was a teenager. Ecstatically excited to be going at long last, I devoured the books, amazed by Marguerite van Geldermalsen's account of living in Petra, where her children were born - including her son Raami.

And when I read the guide book and noticed "Raami Tours" mentioned,  we got in touch - and yes, it's her son, and a little local entreprenurialism. So we decided to do the "trip of a lifetime thing"  and  booked with Raami to have a local guide for each day of our stay. That decision led to 5 amazing days of things we would never have seen or done if simply following the guidebook!

Our local Petra guide was Ibrahim, who was also born in a cave in Petra, but  he doesn’t know when. He is perhaps in his late 20’s, has never been to school, but has learnt to speak English from the tourists. He and I developed quite a bond: he declared at one stage that I was like a mother to him!

On day four, we were scheduled to go for a hike  - a couple of hours in the Dana Nature Reserve. Ibrahim had only been there once before; so Nasser came too - and we discovered that Nasser, who speaks no English, is the son and heir apparent to a local Bedouin sheik, someone who is one of the advisors to the King of Jordan. Ibrahim and Nasser  took us for what turned into a long 6 hour hike:  down through the Dana Nature reserve to Wadi Araba.  From +1700m above sea level down into the desert at  -50M below sea level.

Down and down we slipped and slithered on the stony path.

After a couple of hours, Ibrahim decided it was time for tea - and he produced a kettle and glasses and black tea from his knapsack, lit a little fire and brewed up - throwing in a handful of herbs he gathered from the wilderness for good measure.

While it brewed, he showed me how to get colour from a little stone to paint my hands as the Bedouin women do.

Then we were off downhill again … as the sun rose higher and hotter and the oleanders bloomed beauty in the rocks.

The wild life was stunning.

But we were getting hot.

Hot. HOT. HOTTER.

Hottest.

Our water bottles ran out after four hours. We'd no idea we would be walking so far - in such heat - with nothing to do except keep walking.

Gradually we began to realise that we were parched. Dry. Thirsty. Miles from anywhere, with no water. And nothing to do except keep walking.

My husband began to overheat.  We were panting, longing, deeply desiring, desperate for, water.

WATER.

And into my mind came those words from the Psalms:  As the deer pants for the water ....

Words set to a sweet little tune, which belies the depth of the thirst and the dryness of the desert. We were parched and had a real problem.  The words suddenly came to life for me. THAT'S what the deer feels  - and that's what the psalmist was describing.

That dryness, that desperateness, for the refreshingness of the Lord.

That longing that only water, only God, can satisfy.

Do we know that deep desperation for the Lord? As the deer pants ....  are we panting, longing, dryly desperate for God’s Presence in our lives?

In the desert, on our way down to Wadi Araba, we – at least, Ibrahim and Nasser – stopped some passing goatherds – who were Bedouin too and who shared their cool water from the waterskins they were carrying. But we, thinking there was not too much further and wary of water whose provenance we didn't quite trust, refused it.

And began to wonder: will we ever make it?

Never have we been so glad as when we eventually saw Nasser's car in the distance, his brother driving it,  loaded with cold bottles of water. And oh the joy and the pleasure of sitting in the shade of a tree, drinking cold cold water. And knowing there was a ride in the car.

(to Nasser's house for lunch - but that's another story...)

Never will I forget the desperate parched longing for water. The deer panting and likely to die. The psalmist longing, panting, desperate  for the Lord in his life.

I need to stop God, to ask for cool water in my spiritual desert.

And don't we each need to do that?  To know the refreshment of His spring rains in our parched and weary and battered and bruised lives.

Sermon over!

But I now know that I need to pray: God make me want to want you like that.

It's a dangerous prayer. 

Psalm 42:

As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God.  I thirst for God, the living God.

and in The Message -

A white-tailed deer drinks from the creek; I want to drink God, deep draughts of God. I’m thirsty for God-alive. I wonder, “Will I ever make it— arrive and drink in God’s presence?”

And this too:

As we wait in silence,

fill us with your Spirit.

As we listen to your word,

fill us with your Spirit.

As we worship you in majesty,

All fill us with your Spirit.

As we long for your refreshing,

fill us with your Spirit.

As we long for your renewing,

fill us with your Spirit.

As we long for your equipping,

fill us with your Spirit.

As we long for your empowering,

fill us with your Spirit.

http://goodinparts.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/together-for-pentecost.html?spref=fb

And the winner of the time capsule competition is ...

  A while ago there was a competition on here, asking for suggestions as to what should be included in a time capsule to bury in Mays Farm. At the time, I couldn't imagine there would ever be a floor under which anything could be hidden!

There was mud everywhere this spring. Rain and mud outside; earth floors turning to mud inside. It looked like devastation to me - and I found it quite depressing. Would there ever be progress?

Friends kindly enquired - how is it going? Can you move in yet? Aren't you excited?

And I looked at the mud on our boots and the dust in our hair and I despaired. It was an utter disaster.

BUT

But there IS progress. Suddenly, things are happening in a different way. Instead of everything coming down, being taken apart, dug up or demolished, there is a putting together, a creating, a movement of new beginnings.

Progress is seen at last - look at the little store rooms being made into a kitchen.

So it still doesn't quite look like the finished kitchen ... but it's definitely improving.

And there's a similarity with my life and its ups and downs.

Sometimes it has felt that everything is demolished, devastated, depressed. 

For I too am a work in progress. Sometimes God has had to dig deep to remove the edifices I tried to erect, to dig out the imperfections, remove my all-too-easily constructed walls of pride and passions and perceptions. And it's painful.

Our workmen have been digging and demolishing  in order to restore and renew and recreate. And so has God -  He restores and renews and recreates my life.

If the LORD does not build the house, it is useless for the builders to work on it. If the LORD does not protect a city, it is useless for the guard to stay alert. (Ps 127:1)

Auspice Christo: built with the help of Christ.

I am learning to be patient about Mays Farm.

Please be patient with me, God hasn't finished with me yet!

There are other signs of new life everywhere around the Farm. And blossom in the Walled Garden.

Come and see! On May 18th & May 25th there are invitation days - details here.

And on May 25th we will be burying the time capsule under the elm beams of floor boards on the top landing. Come and pray with us for the new ministry at The Vine as we do this.

CHARLOTTE LEAKE: your entry was chosen by the MbD Trustees! Congratulations on winning a free retreat night at The Vine @ Mays Farm in September!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!  (2 Cor 5:17)

Might you pray for us? Pray for The Vine @ Mays Farm to be built by the Lord; pray for the ministry  of offering retreats and spiritual sanctuary; pray that all will be auspice Christo. Me and Mays Farm both.

... to a day in the Cotswolds!

Lots of people have kindly said they want to come and help get Mays Farm ready for the new ministry - that they were disappointed not to be able to come on April 1st - asking when there would be another hands-on-and-help day. You are so kind! And you are right - there is a lot to be done before the house will be ready to receive the first retreat guests! (details of this summer's retreats HERE) The exciting news at the moment is that work is progressing well - the floors are going down and the underfloor heating put in.

The chapel floor

underfloor heating in the kitchen

And the walls are being stripped ready for decorating - this beautiful paper was found in one room:

So if you like stripping and discovering ... or weeding and recovering ... 

If you'd like to help bury the time capsule ....

then you are invited to come to one (or both!) of the next work days:

SATURDAY MAY 18

and/or

SATURDAY MAY 25

Arrive from 9.30, stay til  ....  as late as you like! Unlimited tea/coffee/snacks etc will be provided; there's a pub, a village stores and a vintage tea shop in the village so plenty of places for sustenance and rest (or bring a picnic!).

The walled garden 

We'll adjourn to the pub for supper in the evening.

And while you work, enjoy the peace and tranquillity of this special place.

Take time to laugh with friends old and new.

Spend some moments praying for the ministry here.

Ride the tractor ..

Enjoy the beauty:

Might you come? Bring a friend?

Please RSVP to

penelope@ministriesbydesign.org

And if you're unable to come - might you still pray? More is wrought by prayer that this world ever dreams of - and there is much need for prayer

- for protection and power

- for the Lord to be at work in the lives of those who will come here for spiritual sanctuary and renewal

- for this to become one of those special places where God's Presence is almost tangible.

Hope you can come and draw aside from every day life for a while! Let me know when you are coming and Gracie and I will be here to greet you.  See you real soon, as our American friends say.

Last chance to book a Preview (ie free!) Retreat ...

THE VINE @ MAYS FARM

There are only a VERY FEW places left for the Preview  (ie FREE !) Retreats  at The Vine this summer. So if you would like to apply to be considered, please contact Ministries by Design very very soon!

•  Guided Silent Retreat              July 22 - 26                    ONE space still available
•  Guided Walking Retreat         July 29 – Aug 2            THREE spaces still available   
•  Guided Silent Retreat             Aug 12 - 16                       fully booked
•  Guided Walking Retreat        Aug 19 - 23                     fully booked
• INDIVIDUAL RETREATS:    Weekend of July 19 - 21: ONE room still available.                                                               Mid week of August 5 - 9: fully booked

We have been amazed at the response already, and are praying for the “right” people at the right time. The House will not be quite finished, and the work available will be things such as painting and decorating, gardening, tidying, finishing … and praying! These are all PREVIEW – the House will not be fully finished! So there is no charge, but help around the House should be offered in exchange for full board & lodging & retreat.

A WALKING RETREAT - get fit spiritually AND physically! Arrive on a Monday afternoon, settle in with a cup of tea. First session, then supper. On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings, after a buffet breakfast, Penelope will lead you on one of several local walks, each of about 6 miles, with opportunities for spiritual reflections and meditations as we walk. Return for lunch and spend the afternoons as you wish to make the most of this time - praying, sitting in the chapel, journalling, sleeping; and helping out manually for a couple of hours. There will be a short session each day before Supper, which will be followed by compline and early nights. Final session on Friday morning, and leave after a light lunch. Maximum of 10 people, in en-suite twin bedded rooms.

A GUIDED SILENT RETREAT - to concentrate on your relationship with God. Arrive on a Monday afternoon, settle in, enjoy tea. First session, then supper, compline and early bed, after which we will move into silence. Breakfast will be served in your room to allow time to rest, reflect, be renewed. Each day there will be individual time with a Spiritual Director, and there will be guidance if required as to how to get the most from this time. There will be opportunity to help manually around the Centre for a couple of hours each day. Meals will be taken in communal silence or you may take your meal to your room if you wish. Leave after a final time with your Director on Friday morning followed by a light lunch if required. Maximum of 5 people, in private en-suite rooms.

PREVIEW INDIVIDUAL PRIVATE RETREAT We are also offering space for you to come on your own private retreat, again Preview A minimum of 2 nights. Maximum of 5 people at any one time, in private en-suite rooms. Spiritual Direction available if required. AVAILABLE: July 18 – 21 August 5 - 9

SMALL GROUPS WEEKENDS:  Bring your small group any weekend Friday night – Sunday afternoon, Preview (free) but help out around the house too.

FROM SEPTEMBER 1st, the House will be fully open 

INDIVIDUAL PRIVATE RETREATS (Paying) The House will be open and fully operating from September 2 for private retreats or group visits. Dates for Walking Retreats and Guided Silent Retreats will be posted very soon!

Italy Pilgrimage on the Via Francigena, Tuscany: September 7 – 14  now fully booked, but there is a waiting list available

If you have any queries and/or would like more information and an application form, please email

penelope@ministriesbydesign.org

It's no sin to be sixty ..

Last Friday, you may have noticed, was my 60th birthday. The worst kept secret in history, said my sister, as various schemes and plans made by the family began to leak out. I knew there was something afoot!

My husband let slip that our daughter from America was coming to celebrate with me. Happy tears poured down my face when I discovered that! A picnic lunch, a special evening out with the family, some friends coming for lunch and a walk the following day .... Gradually the plan began to emerge.

I had not expected this present, however.

Nor this at the picnic lunch

Nor the fun in the sun

(good thing we have a long driveway for cruising ...)

Saturday. And the sun shone. Friends navigated closed motorways and horrendous traffic jams to get to Mays Farm - where there was tea in the orchard following a walk.

Later, some gifts to open.

A co-mother-in-law (tongue-in-cheek?) presented me with this:

It dawned on me that I really really am SIXTY. Apparently, no longer middle aged.

Third aged.

I am privileged to be there but be fit and healthy and embarking on a new season of life, ministry, home and house.

A quick scan of the little book reveals it to be a series of reflections, mini sermons, about ageing and faith, done with humour and grace. Just what I need to face this Third Age - humour and grace.

Christ was never middle aged.

Let alone Third Aged.

He was, humanly, always young. A young man in a hurry, places to go, people to meet, purposes to fulfil.

I am privileged to be able still to do the same.  But when the spirit continues to be willing whilst the flesh becomes weak, what then? What can I learn from the young Jesus Christ? A young man with a sense of urgency, of uncompromising attitudes and unrelenting purpose.

One day, one day, I will no longer be like that. I can already sense that I have lost energy, urgency - and, if I am honest, some of my hearing!  But God has not changed. He still has energy and urgency; he is still uncompromising and unrelenting in his pursuit of, and love for, me.

As Reinhardt Niebuhr wrote,

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

Meanwhile, I'm out to change the world one step at a time, one person at a time.

Coming to join me?

Today I encountered Grace - & Francis & Brennan & Sally

Grace first met with me over breakfast. And how I needed that encounter. 

We are reading aloud to one another, as part of our morning devotions, and right now it's Francis Spufford's book, Unapologetic.  Where, in Chapter One, he describes how the novelist Richard Powers wrote that the Adagio movement of Mozart's Clarinet Concerto sounds the way mercy would sound.

It's one of my favourite pieces. I'm listening to Andrew Marriner and the London Symphony Orchestra ... and just as Spufford mentions, it's a very patient piece of music. Unhurried, lilting,  the tune going round and round "in messageless tenderness .... it sounds as if it comes from a world where sorrow is perfectly ordinary, but there is still more to be said. It said, everything you fear is true. And yet. And yet. Everything you have done wrong you have really done wrong. And yet. And yet. Let yourself count, just a little bit, on a calm that you do not have to be able to make for yourself, because it is here, freely offered. You are still deceiving yourself, said the music, if you don't allow for the possibility of this. There is more going on here than what you deserve, or don't deserve. There is this, as well."

So it sounds the way mercy would sound - mercy, getting something kind instead of the sensible consequences of an action; something better than you could have expected.

And that was Grace to me. To us. And because we have been graced with grace, we can grace others with grace. A more literal translation of Matthew 10:8, which usually says something along the lines of freely you have received, freely give. We are graced - given mercy by God. So we extend it to others.

To read that; to listen to the Clarinet Adagio; to receive mercy.

Truly Graced.

And that would have been enough.

But there was more.

This time through Brennan Manning, who recently went on to Glory. His memoir, All is Grace, has a book video trailer which I happened upon later. I've ordered the book and await its arrival; but this snippet of Manning, preaching, speaking - interspersed with footage of him in his illness and incapacity; this story of a man, an alcoholic, but saved by mercy, extending grace. This, this spoke fathoms deep to me. Watch it soon, weep and rejoice. Grace met me with me through this.

And that would have been enough. But there was more.

Meeting face-to-face with Sally. She is not my Spiritual Director (that would be Joy, who is aptly named). She is a trained psychotherapist and counsellor - and the sweetest American I know, saved by grace and extending grace. I've been meeting with her for some time (you know already my PTSS and depression of the past 2 years.) As she prayed for me today, Grace came again.

Sweet Grace. Amazing Grace.

Have you encountered Grace today?

MONDAY MINISTRY

Linking up with Tania Vaughan's new blog series, to proactively take Sunday into the rest of the week. Sundays are suddenly different. Not better not worse - just different. After 33 years, my husband is no longer a full time priest; nor am  I on a church staff any more. I am just - JUST!  - a normal pew filler. Well, chair occupier. And it's different from the back row than the front one.

Especially where we are now going to 'church.' I say church advisedly - we meet in Komedia, "Bath's award-winning venue for comedy, music, cabaret and club nights " as it describes itself. So yesterday the floor was sticky - noisily sticky. It's a dark theatre with no windows. And we sit on theatre-type red plush velvet chairs.

Its not Anglican. We are even having a sabbatical from that.

Two baskets are passed around after the worship. One is to contribute financially if one feels prompted to do so - we are told there is no pressure and certainly not for visitors; the other is - oh joy!  - full of sweets! Help yourself to something to chew/suck/delight in during the talk. Red love hearts of dark chocolate. Miniature tubes of parma violets and love hearts. Lollipops.

Yesterday, I took 2 red shiny papered chocolate hearts. Smoothed the empty papers and folded and refolded as I tried to listen.

But MY heart was full of something else.

Something we had sung.

"And I - I surrender

All to you, All to you ..."

It wasn't the 'normal' surrender - me, my life, my desires, my possessions ....

It was the pain of the previous week.

Surrendering even that. Letting go of my right to the pain.

It was all I had to offer up. I opened palms up, imagined the pain leaning on them.

Here it is, Lord. It's all I have right now to give You.

* * *

Monday morning. Awakening to the memory of the pain.

And the memory of the offering. Offered once, now offered again.

The reality of Sunday's offering needed in the reality of the light of Monday morning.

* * *

And again, a certain relief in the offering. Remembering how it felt the first time. Needing to feel that again - 'seeing' Him on the Cross metaphorically leaning down to take my pain and add it to what is already carried in His body.

Died He for me - who caused His pain?

Yes.

And for those pains of mine and for those who caused them.

Amazing Grace.

I surrender all to You - even my pain.

And in surrendering, know His grace.

I will need it again tomorrow - and tomorrow - for I forget and the vision leaks.

* * *

Monday is the test of Sunday's reality. To God be the glory. All is gift.

A SHOCK - BUT GOD

April 12 and there was  a shocking setback,  a personal hit . No need to go into details; but there it was. It hurt and it was hard. But God.

That's one of my favourite phrases in Scripture.  BUT GOD ....

Because part of my daily devotional time includes reading the day's thoughts from a little Dohnavur book  - a collection of writings (notes, letters, thoughts) from  Amy Carmichael, entitled "Edges of His Ways." 

In the front, my handwriting boldly proclaims

Penelope J Walter. Cambridge. April 1975

I have been reading it on and off ever since then. Sometimes in the mornings, sometimes in the evenings. This past Friday, I read it in the evening. And read it again. And again.

I had had a shock; but God knew what I needed.  

Here's what it said:

April 12      2 Cor. 11:28  RV margin: Things that come out of course.

Sometimes things seem to happen contrariwise, on purpose. We are prepared for the usual trials of life, but these are not usual. They are things that come 'out of course,' and they are the most difficult of all to meet peacefully and to pass through peacefully. They are most upsetting things, as we sometimes call them, and they often continue to try to upset us.

It is very humbling to go through the list of ordinary things, as apparently they were regarded by the first missionaries - labours, prisons, stripes, stonings, shipwrecks, perils, travails, - and then stop and consider these added words, "beside the things that come out of course." What were they? We do not know, but judging by the things which were not counted as 'out of course,' they must have been a good deal harder than anything that comes our way.

Is there anything that you do not like and did not expect in your to-day?  If so, perhaps these words will help you to meet it with serenity.

So I went to sleep pondering those words.

And woke early to reach out and read them again. But by then it was Saturday and I needed new grace.  For Saturday was April 13 - the anniversary of my dear mother-in-law's death and my husband was feeling it right hard through the tears.

I read from Amy Carmichael to him.

APRIL 13  1 Kings 8:56 There hath not failed one word of all His good promise.

I have found in times of disappointment of any kind there is great help in these words. .....One of His good promises is, "Whatsoever is right I will give you." (Matt 20:4)   ..... Another is this: "The Lord will not withhold good things from them that walk in innocence."   (Psalm 84:11 LXX)  "No good thing will He withhold "  so that the thing not given could not have been good for us. He knows what is good.

It is just here that faith is tested sometimes very sharpely, and we begin perhaps to distress ourselves over the condition attached to the promise. Is it because of something in me tht this good thing - as I believe it to be - is not given? God, who searcheth the hearts, alone knows our need of the cleansing Blood for motive in prayer, but if by His enabling we will to desire His will, then we may leave all torturing thoughts and rest our hearts on Him. No good thing will He withhold - There hath not failed - nor ever can fail - one word of all His good promise.

We prayed for His good and perfect will. We  gave thanks for dear Granny Nancy and all she had meant to our family - and recalled the chain of events her death had started, which caused us to leave the USA , move to London and now on to Mays Farm, our new home.

No good thing will He withhold ... there hath not failed one word of His promise ...

Amazing grace, because all is gift, even if and when we don't deserve it. His promise will not fail; HE will not fail.

The blessings kept coming, all day,  in and through the hurt and the pain.

Ann Voskamp's blog with its photo

Someone wrote on Facebook: When you are going through something hard and you wonder where God is, remember the teacher is always quiet during a test.

Testing times for me; maybe for you too this week?  But God ..  ?

Preview Retreats

You liked the idea of coming to be guinea pigs and try out Ministries by Design for free this summer! I had thought there would be a small amount of interest and I would be able to allocate places soon after Easter. I was totally wrong!

The application forms continue to pour in and I am humbled, thrilled, excited, privileged, to read them, as you have shared so much of your journeys and reasons why you would like to come.

So I am working my way through them, beginning to allocate places, and feeling incredibly excited at what the Lord is planning for these Preview Retreats.  Some wonderful people wanting to come; soma amazing offers of help; some profound reasons for wanting a few days of spiritual sanctuary and solace this summer.

If you are wondering if your application has been accepted and you have been allocated a place - please grant grace? I am aiming to let people know by this coming weekend, so crave your patience for just a little longer.

If you are about to send in your application form , please note that

- there will be a waiting list for the Silent Retreats;

- there are still a couple of places available on the walking retreats;

- there is plenty of space for individual retreats.

Have a look at the dates and descriptions  and pop your application form in the post asap!

We look forward to welcoming you to The Vine @ Mays Farm this summer; and if you would like to go on to our mailing list with future dates please send in  your email address.

Please pray for MbD as we head into the exciting new ministry?